Friday Loadout - Week 1

Theme: “Stealth Mission: Failed”

Primary Objective:
Retrieve energy drink without triggering tiny alarms. Mission compromised by cereal avalanche. Dakota now asking existential questions at full volume.

Paul’s Loadout

• Can of Liquid Respawn: Today’s flavor: Regretberry Blast (cracked open at 7:03 AM)

• Slide-Activated House Shoes: Grippy enough for spills. Not grippy enough for Lego ambushes

• Dad Cloak of Invisibility: Works until a child screams “DAD!” across three rooms

• Utility Shorts of Endless Carrying: Contain Switch Joy-Cons, mini screwdriver, half a granola bar

• XP Boost: One sticky high-five from Riley = +10 morale

• Discord Gauntlet: Keeps 17 notifications from Aethro at bay… barely

• Companion Perks:

  • Riley: Grants Math Facts on Demand and Sparkle AoE

  • Dakota: Unlocks Minecraft Rant of the Day and Why is the sky?

Status:

• Health: One nap behind

• Stamina: Powered by taurine and toddler-powered chaos

• Loot Acquired: 1 cereal puddle, 3 crayons, and a sticker on your back